I was a person who worked till the day before I delivered my baby. I led an active social life and travelled frequently. When I came to know that I was pregnant, I and my husband discussed and made a joint decision that I quit work and be with the baby till he becomes at least 2 years old. We somehow couldn’t digest a stranger taking care of our baby. I thought I would purely enjoy this phase of being at home and taking care of our kid. But I was in for a rude shock because spending the whole day with just my baby was not quite my cup of tea. I had a part time maid to help with some work and my life was still busy with my baby and household chores, but just that it was not quite the busy-ness that I preferred. I felt like I was not doing anything creative and productive. My self esteem and confidence went for a toss. I yearned for my old freedom and financial independence. And worse, my relationship with my husband started getting affected.
I should say that I have an absolute sweetheart as my husband. He is a hands-on dad. Except breastfeeding, he does everything to take care of our baby. Every morning he looks after our baby for a while so that I can catch up on some sleep. Even after an exhausting day at work, he joins me in taking care of the household chores. I cannot ask for more!
But spending the whole day at home with the baby actually took a toll on my sensibilities. If my husband carelessly kept the newspaper on the dining table or threw the towel on the bed, I would just make a huge deal of it. Even if he doesn’t do anything carelessly, I would simply find some reason to fight with him. I was simply unable to focus on his huge positives and would go on bickering about some petty issues. I started blaming him as inconsiderate and selfish while deep within I knew he was anything but that. I was becoming so damn negative. I was turning out to be a horrible loathsome woman.
On the weekends, we would go out, meet people and have fun and I would get recharged and be back to my old self. But then in a day or two, the charge would get exhausted and again the wicked bickering bit*h would appear.
I started realising that it is practically impossible for me to be just a stay at home mom. The mental strain and stress was too much to bear. I badly needed an outlet to vent, an outlet to divert all my negative energy and convert it to something positive. Finally, I decided to blog. It was an outlet for me to let go of my frustrations and an opportunity to interact with fellow moms and bloggers. It gave me a much needed break from the mundane daily routine.
Though occasional outburst do occur when my little one throws an unusually bad and lengthy tantrum or sleep goes for a toss for two or more consecutive nights, overall, I am a much better person now.
There is a reason why I share this story. I know there are a number of moms out there travelling in my same boat. There are a number of talented moms who chose to be a stay at home mom for one reason or the other, putting their dreams on hold. I want you to know that you are not alone. More than a mom, we are a human being. We need a break. We simply cannot take care of our kids, home and husband 24×7 without being frustrated. It could be a hobby, some volunteering, maybe organising some events or a class or any other creative outlet. But we all need something other than our family to keep ourselves going.
Moms are usually the invisible thread that bind a family together. Unfortunately, it something you realise only when you lose her. A family can remain happy only when the mom is happy, together as long as mom is there along.
For the sake of ourselves and our family, we moms need to be a bit selfish. The time you indulge for yourself is after all for the benefit of the family too.